Day 12- Short & Sweet

  I almost forgot how bad a full-blown anxiety attack can feel and last night was not the worst one I’ve ever felt either. I am still happy my daughter’s mom came over to hold me through the worst of it. I do not remember all of it except the pain and coldness. My firstContinue reading “Day 12- Short & Sweet”

Day 10 Baby Steps

  I felt a bit of hopelessness when I heard Demi Lovato overdosed on heroin. It is sad to think that someone who has access to the top of the line treatment facilities and had been sober six years can still relapse. I can only imagine the emptiness and failure she felt with her firstContinue reading “Day 10 Baby Steps”

Day 9- Weak Little Girl

A little girl, barely 3 years old now, sits and cowers behind a sofa. The man is using the bathroom. She knows what he will do for he has done it many times. He comes out and calls for her. She pretends to play hide and seek, maybe, just maybe, she can make him notContinue reading “Day 9- Weak Little Girl”

Day 7- Self-insight

  Turns out a good binging and purging session can have similar side effects of a hangover. Something strange happened yesterday that really made me think of why I binge and purge. I ate a breakfast I was satisfied with and felt great. I went to donate plasma and even bought a new pair ofContinue reading “Day 7- Self-insight”

Day 4- Numb

I am not a fan of birthdays. Each one reminds me of every year of time wasted. Time creates barriers and washes away dreams. It keeps me a prisoner of my own body, waiting for the clock to finally end. I had originally written a lengthy blog about when my first purging session happened asContinue reading “Day 4- Numb”