Out of Embers, Roses are Born

You’ve been on my heart and mind a lot lately. It was never a fair burden to put on you, the burden of you being the one who saved my life. You did, though, in so many ways. The problem was I kept that burden on you too long after you were born, and lookedContinue reading “Out of Embers, Roses are Born”

Ambition

Only when I was vomiting over twenty times a day, walking twenty five miles a day, and starving myself for days, did my mom actually find me beautiful. While most moms would be reassuring and supportive, mine was always quick to tell me to quit or I was not capable. My little sister was alwaysContinue reading “Ambition”

Fading

People have always been drawn to my words; drawn to my darkness that’s shadowed by smiles and laughter. I have the incredible need to put others first and make others happy, even if it means I am left with nothing. I often am. I can destroy my finances, give away everything I have, and riskContinue reading “Fading”

Ello

59 days sober…third day attempting to be bulimia free. Church bells ringing, mild headache, feeling empty, I am hungry, but not for any food in particular. The birds are chirping, the sky is clear, golden sunlight fills my apartment, beautiful plants hanging all around me…why do I not feel fulfilled? Am I still recovering fromContinue reading “Ello”

58 Days Sober

Today is 58 days sober and $870 and 348 hours have been saved by not drinking. Yesterday I did not binge or purge at all. I am starting to feel like I am getting my ambition and mental clarity back. Its slow…but its there. I realize whenever I think about my daughter I feel veryContinue reading “58 Days Sober”