She was never praised for being beautiful or smart…quite the opposite really
Many found her stupid
Most found her ugly
Sometimes even disgusting
She was average in grades, too shy for sports, never amounted to anything in talent, and was often an outcast and bullied for being too socially awkward
Very few believed she could succeed at life, so she didn’t
Instead, she believed all the bad about her
And it pushed her down….
So far down in fact, I’m sure many expected her wind up dead
For years she wandered in a barren landscape till she came to the edge of a cliff
She tried to jump, but failed
So she decided to try again, but with a running start
Always failing to make the jump but becoming a little more determined each time to get across
Three steps forward, two steps back, one step forward, two steps back, running start…and after many failed attempts, she finally made it on the other side
All of a sudden she had all the opportunities in the world in front of her
But it was scary
Suffering was familiar and familiarity is comfortable
So she just stayed at the edge of the world for awhile, stuck in limbo, afraid to move forward, but never wanting to look back
Then one day, she looked around at the same surroundings she woke up to day after day…every long day…nothing changed…
And she realized nothing would change until she started taking the steps forward…
So she did
She walked into a world of opportunity, freedom, self-love, independence, strength, and hope, and left the cliff and barren landscape behind…
I’m sure she could never find her way back to it again even if she tried
“The more decisions that you are forced to make on your own, the more you are aware of your freedom to choose”
We live in a weird time where many have literally spent the last year isolated yet have never really allowed themselves to be alone.
Surging sales of alcohol, drugs, needless shopping, over consumption of food, news stations blaring, social media destroying every last bit of sane thinking that remained…
No…we were never alone…toxicity has always been at our doorstep, just waiting to be our best friend.
YOU have the freedom to choose to open that door to let it in.
Freedom is a wonderful thing!
YOU have the freedom to choose who you want to be, where you want to go, what you want to achieve, YOU have the freedom to pursue your own happiness! No one else can do it for you.
Take a moment to sit down in silence with a mirror in front of you….close your eyes….relax…breath…connect with yourself…open your eyes and look at your reflection….
Do you love the person staring back?
If not…what do you need to do?
The lack of love for yourself will only make you lonely….lonely enough to open that door to let the toxicity in…don’t let it in!
I believe in you, you got this! You are still here! And after this crazy year of Covid, that says a lot!
You are Unbreakable!
“Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.”
I had that tattooed on my forearm after jumping out of a plane this last summer.
I had said for years I would skydive but always had excuses not to, normally financial, but really I was just too chicken to go.
I also had wanted a tattoo for as long as I could remember, however permanency scared me.
Months of struggling through the first half of covid were pretty mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially strangling. Maybe suffocating is a better word…
But….Because of the suffering I have become someone I never had thought was even possible!
You see, the first half of covid I was like everyone else, and I knew for my own sake, I had to jump out of that plane. I had to face my fears, face death straight head on and if it wanted me, well, I was giving myself to it.
The rush of racing thoughts and air deafening my ears almost equaled the chaos the world seemed to only hold….but then…the parachute opened….
There was a hard jag….then silence…and when I opened my eyes I saw the beauty and peacefulness this planet really does hold.
I had a different unimaginable view of the world and my outlook on life completely changed there on.
I realized nothing is permanent because life itself isn’t, and I went and got my tattoo.
The beauty of life is nothing will ever stay the same, every day is a chance to be better. Terrible things will always happen, they can make us or break us, I refused to be broken and flourished…and still am.
As long as I wake up, every day is a chance to be better than the day before.
I am unbreakable!
Thus the significance of choosing unbreakablenative as my website for LimeLife.
In this toxic world we all need to be unbreakable. What do you need to do to be confident? Strong? Successful?
How are you pursuing your happiness?
I can guarantee you nothing makes the start of my day better than looking in the mirror and seeing beautiful fresh skin and perfect laying makeup. That’s me, is it you too? If so, is that being achieved? If not, check out my website ❤️
(And I will continue to post (hopefully) inspirational stories 😃))
Disassociation, when my mind tells me no….I don’t want it…I want to be better…I break away, feel nothing, and succumb to the habit.
I know I will regret the drink in the morning, yet I do it anyways. Every morning, even if I am not sick, I still wish I wouldn’t have. All day I have been thinking since I have having a four day weekend it would be great to just buy a box of wine…but what a waste of a life. Its exhausting always trying to recover.
How sick am I…I ate some ribs and mac and cheese for lunch, nothing over the top, I actually threw some of the mac and cheese away. I went to go wash my hands and was not thinking of much, I was fairly certain someone was in the bathroom. Anyways…when I was drying my hands off I stepped back and realized I was the only one in there….my first immediate thought was oh this would be a great time to vomit. I did not have any intention of doing such a thing…nor did I. It was just an automatic response of “oh hey, this would be a grand opportunity!” Like….what the hell Kateri.
I had a revelation this morning. Okay it wasn’t really a revelation but a podcast I listen to about sobriety. I know I have mentioned before I can be good all day and eat and drink normally but when I get home I have this unimaginable thirst to drink….even though I don’t want to, same with eating and purging. I have mentioned it feeling like an out of body experience but I guess in an essence that’s what it is. Its not the craving of alcohol and purging I am feeling but rather the craving of the habit itself. When do I normally drink and purge? In the evenings….because that is often the time of day I do such things. I have heard this mentioned before with trauma, like the time of day you were abused is the time of day you often feel the worst, till you get over the trauma of course.
To break a habit I need to replace it. Mind, body, and spirit, these are all connected. I can have all the faith in the world and mentally want to quit, but if I do not take care of myself physically, then I am already doomed to fail. Same can be said if I don’t take care of myself mentally but I do physically. There has to be the balance. All I am missing is the physical part. I have to be better.
I am not insane, I am not a failure, I am only determined to get better and be the best I can be. Who is that woman I wish to be? She is a good Christian, confident, kind, empathetic, strong inside and out, healthy, sober. She is a leader, a role model, a preacher, fearless, and righteous. Eventually she will be a mother, a grandmother, and maybe even a great grandmother. By Gods grace she will succeed.
I am only a failure when I give up….I refuse to do so.