Day 51- Trying To Stay Strong

I cannot say I am doing well; however, I can say that I am average. It is so easy for my daughters’ mother to say see a therapist, honestly though after about the eighth one I realized that the reason I can’t be helped is because psychology just isn’t there yet with understanding my trauma.Continue reading “Day 51- Trying To Stay Strong”

Interlude (?) Again

YOUR NOTHING BUT A STUPID FUCKING UGLY LARDASS PIG these thoughts ring through my mind as if you are still here i still hear you as i purge up this food GUILT- SO MUCH FUCKING GUILT people starving here i am wasting away food i need to keep food down I will change tomorrow willContinue reading “Interlude (?) Again”

Day 50- Frustration

I wonder if there will ever be a time in my life that I permanently want to live. Instead I feel like I am always fighting the depression of wanting to die. I know these feelings will always pass, normally after a few hours, sometimes after a week. I suppose there have been the timesContinue reading “Day 50- Frustration”

Day 49- Shhh…

It is weird to know I have support from people I do not even now, for this I am grateful. Today was okay, I didn’t really sleep last night I do not think. I slept with my eyes open and when I do that, I always seem to wake up exhausted. When I sleep withContinue reading “Day 49- Shhh…”

Day 48- Just Thoughts

Bacon, eggs, and coffee, what better way to start a Sunday morning. I will be helping my daughters’ parents paint their basement, I can see myself making a mess. I really need to start thinking about what I am going to do next May when my lease is up. I don’t feel safe in myContinue reading “Day 48- Just Thoughts”