Fading

People have always been drawn to my words; drawn to my darkness that’s shadowed by smiles and laughter.

I have the incredible need to put others first and make others happy, even if it means I am left with nothing. I often am. I can destroy my finances, give away everything I have, and risk being homeless again, all in the name of being pathetic.

Because of this, I let myself become emotionally naked to the world. If the world is going to judge me, I want the basis to come straight from me. I have no secrets. I do not lie. Every detail about me can easily be found with the click of a mouse.

I am quite sad, but I still dream big. As much I want to down a bottle of pills and slice my wrists, I know a sudden ending is not in my book.

In the blackest darkness is when I find the light that I need. Sometimes I feel like I intentionally force myself to hit rock bottom when I have no energy to get back up. On the brink of death is where my ambition to live kicks in. I try not to let myself get there anymore. I try not to be all or nothing. I suppose that is where the borderline still haunts me.

A thin line between two borders, separating two sides of me. A thin line that seems to be fading as I get older. As the line blurs, I slowly start becoming whole.

I am on the verge of doing great things for myself. It is scary…I need all of me to be here in order to succeed.

Published by Unbreakable Kitten

Headed East towards the horizon

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