So I have been kind of seeing a guy I met online. Its nothing serious yet but we do seem to share a lot of beliefs and morals. He is active military, National Guard, and will be deploying in March for a year. I do not see this as a bad thing primarily because I definitely like my space. We will be spending New Years together. I have made my boundaries very clear. He has never been married, doesn’t believe in divorce, no kids, Christian, his parents have been together for about 40 years, so all good traits. We will see what happens. He is one of the very few decent men I have found however so its a good start.
I feel like I still have a broken heart. That makes it weird with dating…since the broken heart really isn’t from like a “relationship” in general. I think that’s how I know I did hold my daughter and her parents close in my heart. I am not sure though how much of the heartache is from the pain her parents caused or the heartbreak of her being my heart and not seeing her for nine months now…and never knowing when or if I will see her again. I have questioned if my heart is in any position to date, but I think at this point if it hasn’t healed it honestly probably never will and maybe I can cover up the pain with someone new if I am lucky enough for that to happen. If not…well…not all of us are deserving of a happy life.
I am enjoying my new job, I already know I will rock at it and have no problems moving up. I have to say I am a little bored right now reading through all these constant SOPs. It is to be expected though if you have ever been in a career category where that’s a thing. Yesterday I caught an error five other people missed and people were pretty impressed since it was small but significant.
I really do wish I could get back in college again. I have to pay off that 2k bill from the college. I know this time around I could do anything I put my mind too. I just have to get there. This year definitely taught me not to worry about the small crap and to not let the big shit get to me.
I wish my daughters parents would have known me after I changed…but I guess then my daughter wouldn’t exist to them. I had no standards before and let anyone do what they wanted with me. My daughter wouldn’t exist at all if I had changed sooner…so…maybe I don’t wish they wouldn’t had known me after I wasn’t messed up. Such is life I guess.
That is really all I have right now. I hope you all are doing well. Goodbye.