Good Morning my sunshine’s! Its been a couple or few days since I posted but thats just because I have been working both jobs and have been busy in between. I have been really good though. I am all over the withdrawals of alcohol, but it wasn’t really that bad, just more down moods. Skydiving really helped set the stage I think for success. But since I went skydiving I wanted to get a tattoo. I definitely want more now lol.
It definitely seems appropriate this day and age. I always wanted a tattoo but it just seemed too committing. Now my thoughts are well I could get Covid and be dead by next week, so, why be afraid? Nothing lasts forever, I have to enjoy everyday like it is my last. Now when I am feeling down I always have something right there to remind me why I need to be strong.
I do plan on getting a fox on my left chest area since that is my spirit animal. That I imagine will partly hurt like a bitch because it will be partially on my collar bone. After that I want a dream catcher on my left upper arm. I have a lot of scars there from bad decisions but I want the dream catcher to be like its taking that nightmare of my past away. It will have more meaning then that though because I will have certain things that represent accomplishments I have made, but also room for add on’s when I have future accomplishments. If I live that long lol, but even if I don’t, I still have today and have to look for the beauty and happiness right now. I can dream and set my sights on the horizon and do what I can to accomplish them. I guess that is life though. We have always assumed we will have tomorrow or even tonight, but the reality is we don’t. So, be happy today.
It would be a beautiful morning to skydive. Its hard to believe a week ago, at about this time, I was flying up in the air to jump off a plane. Its crazy to think about. Still one of the best things I have ever done. I have another trip set up on the 23rd. I am mega excited. I am not sure if that will be the exact date but I should be able to make the finances work for that.
There have been no urges to drink or purge. Its funny how they come hand in hand. I have been trying to eat more vegetables, but….gross lol. But hey, I am attempting. I have been sleeping a lot still but with no melatonin. I am able to calm my mind faster so I can fall asleep quicker. I am also not drinking near as much coffee. The little nicotine packs help if I feel like eating junk food. I know still not the healthiest, but they aren’t tobacco and don’t warn of cancer, since I think its like nicotine gum but in a pouch. It will do for now.
Ironically I now have to wear a mask at the liquor store. I am happy I bought the adidas one thats meant for high cardio workout. Its a lot better than the disposable ones. I still hate it but whatever. As for the guy, I apologize to him everyday on Snapchat. I think I will stop after two weeks though. Today is day ten. I think subconsciously it was intentional. I mean, obviously not intended to happen that terribly but for awhile I had told myself he wasn’t good to have around because I would always hold onto feelings and he would always reject me. He could go days without talking to me but if there was a chance he knew that I could possibly be interested in another guy he would all of a sudden message a lot and be right there. After this happening a few times I can’t say it was just coincidence. So, I can’t say its a bad thing to be away from him, I just feel cruddy how it happened.
I work at the liquor store again today, just 12-5 so an easy day. Not that any day is really hard, just yesterday I worked 9-5 and OMG I WAS SO BORED. You have to take your break earlier too because we can get random rushes during the afternoon. At least when I close I take my break at 9 so when I get back its a lot of night cleaning and stocking so time flies by. The liquor there has yet to phase me. I think I am realizing how much I hate it and myself while drinking and how much more there is to enjoy. Also, the amount of money I can spend on liquor and the bulimia that comes with it could have paid for so many skydives and tattoos, and other things Ive wanted to do. Also, I finally got a manicure because I could afford it. I don’t think about saving money for alcohol or binging session. Its nice.
Thats all for today peeps, just wanted to check in. I have to run to the store which I am not looking forward to but whatever. Have a good day! Take one day at a time and look for the beauty. Say something nice to someone too, that spreads like wildfire.