Sobriety again I guess

Well peeps, I just cant seem to stop fucking up. I put my notice in for the liquor store today. Its a bummer because I quite enjoy working there but theres too much temptation to down all the liquor and I am giving in a lot. Theres no enjoyment in it, I am just binge drinking and therefore I am purging non stop. I miss the person I was before when I was sober. I was laying out my spiritual foundation, exercising, eating right, reading, drawing, playing video games, like I was enjoying life. Why is it so easy to get back into the downward spiral? My moods definitely suffered too. I hurt a friend. I knew I was going to spiral too, I felt it coming but couldn’t stop it. Its like I needed to get there before I could stop. Well, lets start sobriety over again I guess. At least now I know I can’t take a six month break and expect to be better, no, the spiral will come back the moment I take that drink.