Life’s Okay

We had quite the storm last night. I woke up around 3 am to the loudest thunder and what I read were 80 mph winds. My flowers are a little toppled but I think they will spring back up. I have three flowers now actually that I have grown on my own, I feel quite accomplished about that. I am not sure what they are though, I just picked what looked pretty lol.

So I am debating on casually dating my coworker if he’s interested. I couldn’t seriously date someone with kids, especially since I miss my daughter so much but theres the temporary companionship that could be very beneficial right now. We might benefit each other. Stupid guy #1 has been messaging me more these days, but he also admits that he is bored so I am not putting much thought into it. I am thinking short and sweet is the way to go and if he wants to talk about his brother I will listen as a friend, but I don’t think I will ever be able to count on him as a being a friend.

Yesterday was not a great day for keeping the binging and purging at bay but I think I found a not great but not as terrible way of helping it and that is nicotine pouches and gum. Theoretically they are safer than tobacco and aren’t as disgusting since it just tastes like spearmint and nothing else, but it calms me and the chewing gum kinda satisfies the binging part. This will have to do for now. I am going to start being more physical so that should get my energy flowing so there is less chance of needing to b/p. Your Super products have really helped my body bounce back from when I give in.

My daughters mom has been in the hospital again, they think she has pneumonia in her right lung. They drained fluid the day before last. She just can’t catch a break. She really needs one too.

So when I say I am going to be more active, this is totally true. For one thing, not only will I be driving school busses, I am now hired on to help with landscaping around the schools grounds and during the school year am now hired on full time for maintenance and cleaning around the school. With the whole Covid thing the schools will have to be sanitized a lot. So I probably will not apply for the behavioral tech yet, maybe in the future, but warming up to kids first might be a good first step. I do plan to start going to the gym too. I was hoping Bailey and I could get a walk in this morning but it’s still raining. But we will see if we can.

I have my air breaks, passenger, and school bus permit test this morning. I am fairly confident I will pass. I passed the commercial one and thats technically the hard one and the guys at work have been giving me a throughly training of the air breaks and I have practiced the air breaks physical test so….wish me luck on that.

I also meet with my financial counselor this morning, its time to get serious about my life’s goals. I have come a long way but there is a long way to go.

I had the craziest dream last night though, there were creepy parts but what was cool was there was this mind test. It was like lucid dreaming I think but being in control. There was this headset I could put on and if I controlled what happened by thinking it. So I was actually thinking in my dreams. It was very detailed I remember, I can still see some of my classmates. We were a class I believe, or at a school. I remember at one part feeling scared but than relaxing myself and my breathing and it went away.

I didn’t drink at all last night, I did the night before. There is a strange comfort in it, I think it is more familiarity then enjoyment. When I worked with that guy from the liquor store the other night I had mentioned thinking I would take a break from drinking and he said that should be easy to do but I had said it would be easier to do if I could smoke weed (I can’t right now because of my new position)  but he had said I didn’t need that either. He said I didn’t need either. I don’t think I have ever met anyone who’s life is so relatable say that, usually people are in the same mindset as me. So the other night that is what I was thinking about, was that I just don’t need it. So yesterday I didn’t. I have found a doctor would will write me a note for weed though, its just pricey. It helps my joints so much though, but we will see.

I didn’t write yesterday because I was training a good chunk of the day and took a nice long nap and completely cleaned my apartment and did all my laundry. I also studied for my test so there wasn’t much time for anything else. Oh yeah, and I repotted two plants because I think I was drowning them, so they look a little rough, but I am learning! I should get today started, the eggs aren’t going to scramble themselves and the boys are hungry. So have a great day my peeps, stay positive.

Published by Unbreakable Kitten

Headed East towards the horizon

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