My sleep concoction lately has been 1/2- a full bottle of wine with a melatonin to finish knocking me out. So in the mornings I am back to coffee. I need to get off that cycle. I know I have to actually. So last night when I got home from the liquor store I made up some strong sleeping tea, took a hot bubble bath with lavender and salt, took a half a melatonin, and crashed. I probably fell asleep around 2 am and woke up a little after 11 am. I feel decent. 70 hour weeks are getting long but I volunteered to close the store every night this coming week but Thursday so I have a break before the weekend. Everything I am working this next week will be on the paycheck before my birthday and I need as much as possible for skydiving. It will be a shitty week, but afterwards I will take it easy.
Oh yeah, I think I mentioned I am going skydiving on my birthday on the 20th, but maybe not…we all know how shitty my short term memory is.
Just Chilling Before Work
Now I am drinking some green tea. I am downing liquids today. I have Palo Santo brewing since my inner energy needs some help. I already had my Super Green and Mellow Yellow drink, doubled actually. I have some Raspberry Tea cooling so I can put the Energy Bomb and Forever Beautiful in it and I have some Mud/Wtr and Magic Mushroom setting. I have a steak and pork chop thawing so I can simmer that up and will probably steam some broccoli today.
Oh yeah, I am back to eating meat. This is primarily because when I was donating plasma my iron and protein always seemed to be lower no matter how much I downed the protein and iron tablets. I am thinking maybe my body just doesn’t absorb plant based protein that well? Either way, my levels are back to normal…..so, guess I will eat hella expensive meat.
Meat is ridiculous right now and theres no point in buying a cow because the butchers are backed up till next summer. I expect seafood to go up as well since from what I am hearing from friends in Alaska the processors are getting shut down when theres a single case of Covid. Its getting a little too ridiculous for a virus with a .02-.08 death rate. I am just happy my state is all back to normal.
For the ones who have followed me the last couple years you might recall a guy I met at the end of 2018. He was the first guy who ever listened to the word no. When I got the job at the bank we ran into each other again, I forgot he had worked there. Its been so complicated since then, one minute he likes me the next he doesn’t? Or he’s nice but then is a complete ass. Or he likes me but says it would never work out and says its not sustainable if I talk too much? We’ve had a couple rough falling outs since we both can be fairly vocal to each other. Honestly, he’s just a moody little bitch. I tried being there as a friend but even that he is just as shitty. His brother had killed himself a year ago, I am kinda wondering if thats why he the way he is. I think he has always been selfish though and somewhat of a player, you don’t become almost forty with almost no relationships other than one night stands or short relationships by being a nice guy. A good friend of mine said he looked like a player when I showed him to her. What kinda got me hopeful things could eventually work out though was when I had my last reading done by Kaiva she had said someone I met at the end of 2018 would be influential in my love life, or lack there of. She said I would need to learn what I do and don’t like. I am now thinking this means I don’t like the constant disappointment he makes me feel. I don’t talk to him much these days but if I don’t talk than its like he tries to say things that will get me close to him, also if he opens up about his brother I feel like an ass to just say I don’t have time. I think he is just very lost and very stressed. I will still try to be there as his friend but I don’t really think I can count on him to be mine. Which really sucks because we honestly have a lot in common and share a lot of the same values.
There was also another guy who I met at the end of 2018, the guy who’s dog has play dates with Bailey. He very clearly likes me. We were actually going on a few play dates and eating out and starting to talk a lot. He’s probably one of the nicest guys out there but I had clearly asked a few weeks back if he was single and he admitted he was. So after we started hanging out more I thought I would just ask him if he wanted to go out on a real date and thats when he said he actually did have a girlfriend sorta? Like, complicated or something. I told him how inappropriate that everything then was. He said he wasn’t trying to cheat….buuuut….if you tell someone your single and then start spending a lot of time with them…thats not exactly respectful in my eyes. So….I haven’t really talked to him since, that was a couple weeks ago now I think. I don’t like half truths.
Like, why can’t men just be honest and not so full of bullshit? Anyways…I guess Kaiva was right, definitely learned a lot of shit I don’t like. I guess Venus should be entering a certain house soon (by August?) for me where a relationship can bloom, but as for now, theres not really anyone I can think that I want it to bloom with.
So I have been working with this guy at work and he is honestly really relatable. He has had a pretty fucked up life too and trying to get his shit in order. The past few nights we have closed together we’ve really started just talking about our life and shit, we work pretty well together. We close the next four nights together and I can’t say I would want to close with anyone else. I think we have become that outlet for each other to vent about shit. Its nice. Anyways, he’s already pushing me to be better, not in a judge mental way though. I think he can do a lot better too, but he is younger than me so I can kinda see where he is at because I was there a few years ago too. In ways though he is also much older than me. He works as much as possible too to stay out of trouble and keep from doing dumb shit. Anyways, its nice to have someone to vent to.
Last night was a shitty night at work, hate drunk people, but I am going to go cook my meal and relax before work again tonight. Its gross out otherwise Bailey and I would go for a walk. Its about 90 so I am assuming the pavement will be even worst. So I guess we will just snuggle and play inside. Have a good day peeps.