I Tried

I am nothing. I am not holding on, I can’t. Sometimes people get to a point where they realize so many people would be better off without them, and sometimes one can already see those changes. Friends and family pull away and eventually there is no one left to talk to, no shoulder left to cry on, I can’t trust anyone. I am doing my best to smile and be happy around people, its agony. I am a disappointment and a failure in the eyes of many. The poor will understand, life is about fighting to survive and when you give up, your done. I would rather die than be on the streets or welfare again. Welfare is a chain system that keeps you locked into being nothing. I could go on with the what ifs and should have done’s, but the damage is done. I should have never learned to use my words, I should have always kept everything inside, I should have never thought I was worth something. I should have never moved here, its not like anyone wants me here anymore anyways. I should have died a long time ago when I gave my heart away. My head hurts from crying so much. Pain keeps me grounded and in reality. I’m sorry readers, I tried to be more inspiring, theres no hope for people like us, once on the bottom, always on the bottom, it will always come back, so why keep on trying? When you run out of comfort, love, and hope, why keep on trying? It will always be same old same old, and everyone around me has figured that out, so why keep fooling myself? I’m garbage.