Unbreakable Kitten

Juxtaposition, Contradictory, Dichotomy

Day 38- Good Morning Depression

I am on a familiar edge. I don’t know why I feel as I do these days. I don’t feel good enough for anyone. I feel like just another birthmother. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone because no one can understand what I am feeling. Everything I say offends someone. I feel like I am passively being chased away. Maybe I am supposed to go away, I don’t know. My back feels painful today again. Bailey is still acting hurt. I am only coming to work because I need to pay bills. I know this is depression and I know all I can do is wait it out. I am gaining weight and barely being able to fit my clothes makes me feel worse. I feel ugly. I cracked my phone screen pretty bad last night. Wine nor beer seem to really have any taste these days, so I barely have more than a drink if even a night. I feel exhausted and tired. It is hard to smile lately but there’s a few people who still manage to make me laugh. My tummy is still burning a little from taking my pain meds without a meal yesterday. I wish I could have started the school year in a better place. I need to get my mind straight otherwise I will sink too low. Oh depression, how much I have missed you…. not really.

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About Me

An English diarist and naval administrator. I served as administrator of the Royal Navy and Member of Parliament. I had no maritime experience, but I rose to be the Chief Secretary to the Admiralty under both King Charles II and King James II through patronage, diligence, and my talent for administration.

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