Well, I may have royally fucked up peeps. Its all good I suppose. I mean, I will probably lose my job, but I hate it anyways so I have mixed feelings. Like I have obviously been trying to find something for quite a while now, I just wasn’t expecting something small to become a big thing. And maybe if I begged I would keep my job but I am trying hard to just show that I do care. I care about my finances being royally fucked up because I don’t want to be homeless again but its hard to beg for a job when you hate going to it. And maybe begging wouldn’t even help at this point. So I will just have to wait and see I guess.
I had another phone interview yesterday. I am still waiting to hear back from the last one, that one is still under review. The one yesterday is up my alley and after the phone interview the lady said if I passed I would get an assessment to take and then if I passed that I would get a call for another phone interview and then an in person interview. So I got the assessment today and completed it so I guess I am waiting on that too. I feel like I am in a race against time, but time is limitless.
So last night, the apartment building that I used to party on in Minot, officially burned down. I think it has had a couple fires over the years but today is the day it is gone. There was a weird satisfaction with watching it burn, I spent the worst of my life there, slowly partying myself to death, partying myself to homelessness at least. A couple people from my time there still lived there, what is sad about that is they always had big dreams of leaving and moving far out of state. I guess if your thirty and still living in a dump and partying the night away your probably not going to be going places. Anyways, it sucks for the people who have lost their homes. I cant imagine much was lost though. It was an infested falling down complex that the community had been trying to condemn for years and get torn down for a parking lot. I remember going downstairs to do my laundry (basement shared laundry, had to walk down the fire escape to get there) and when I opened the door the entire ceiling was gushing water. I didn’t do my laundry that day, but it effected the first and second floor apartments. I am pretty sure there was black mold all over that apartment and the way the property management had fixed the issues was by putting up more drywall and repainting. They were known to be pretty big slumlords around town. I had never met anyone in that building who didn’t have some kind of addiction and or criminal history. So yes, there was a slight pleasure in watching it burn.
Chaos is comforting when you know nothing else. When you are introduced to stability its scary at first but than you crave it while still being addicted to the chaos. When you are sobered up you have to pay the price of being weak, but eventually the stability will be achieved, at least, I have to believe the stability will be achieved…
Well, melatonin had caused me to have one good nights worth of sleep, like 80% good. Now I think I am over stressed because last night my sleep sucked. I guess the good thing about getting fired is I could dose up on melatonin and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep.
I should probably go get ready for work. I will of course keep you guys in the loop. No inspiration quotes today other than just keep walking and surviving. You will make it if you never stop pushing forward. Once you are on the other side there is no cliff to fall off of, just new terrain. Goodbye folks.
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