Just Sadness

You ever wake up one day feeling strong and just really good and everything is good? And then its not?  You shower, dress nice, put your makeup on perfectly, and just feel really good, and than you don’t, because you realize again every way you feel is wrong.

You love wrong, you care wrong, you feel everything wrong.

You care too much or not enough.

You love too hard or not at all.

You feel like you finally have it right and are showing all the ways to show emotion right, your on the right path, you got this, your changing and you can finally feel it.

You think you are finally showing you care the right way by showing concern but again its too much. Everything you do is too much.

Its enough to make the mildly crazy insane really. Just when I think I have my emotions right, I don’t, no matter how hard I try or how much I think I finally have it right. I care, I love, I try to show it, I feel, it just isn’t right….but when I feel nothing it isn’t right either. If I show just a little so I don’t overdo it than its not enough. I make it about me apparently or I am forcing someone to think a certain way. I don’t understand anything I guess and the only thing I am certain about these days is it doesn’t matter how much I change, my emotions will always be wrong and I will never be able to express emotions correctly unless I am fake and feel nothing at all. But maybe thats the way I need to be if it fits in with society. I am going to go cry in the shower I think because I do know the sadness is real. Maybe I have been crazy all along, thats how I feel but that is probably wrong. The sadness is wrong, the anger is wrong, the happiness is wrong, the hope is wrong, the laughter is wrong, the dreams are wrong, the goals are wrong, the caring is wrong, there is no balance to me, there is no achievement, there is no progress, because I am still wrong, inside and out.

Published by Unbreakable Kitten

Headed East towards the horizon

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