Day 27- Craziness

I have to wonder how much money Americans would save if they stuck strictly to an all-natural diet. I do not mean the sales gimmick of “Natural,” because even arsenic is natural. I mean like fresh or frozen veggies, fruit, meats and seafood. Depending on the season sales are always going on for all four and good deals can be found with a little bit of store hopping. I do not mention wheat because more studies have been coming out about grains not being what they used to be and offer less to no nutritional value than even a hundred years ago.  Probably 75% of my grocery store I go to wouldn’t exist if every product that had wheat, soy, and artificial flavoring were taken out. I wonder how many people waste money on pre-made foods that are only temporary filling while being full of sugars, preservatives, and chemicals. I can buy chicken drumsticks on sale (sometimes for as low as $1 per pound) and use two in a soup (I live alone), use a half bag of stir fry veggies (1.97 when on sale), and add some fresh kale to put in it (just for extra flavor and less than a dollar for the amount I use), add seasoning, and have a quart of soup that can last me three meals if not more. I will sometimes add more water and spices to make it last longer. Alternatively, I can buy a Healthy Choice pre-made meal for 2 dollars, if I’m lucky, and is full of ingredients I cannot pronounce and packed full of sodium and has little nutritional value. Even cereals and Pop-tarts for breakfast are just sugar and chemicals that lead one to need a snack before lunch because they are minorly filling. Often these snacks are a processed food or drink that are not filling long term and add up the cost of daily food consumption. Bacon and eggs can leave me feeling full for hours. Bacon may not be the best example as its processed but there is bacon made with lower sodium and less sugar, and two slices of bacon being enough to last me past lunch is definitely cost efficient.  I have eaten fish for breakfast also. Meat, seafood, veggies, and fruit can be even cheaper when buying in bulk at Costco or Sam’s Club.

I cannot say I don’t miss junk food when I try to avoid it, I am very much addicted to sugar as most Americans are. Bad food is a big part of our over-consuming culture.  I feel disgusting after eating it and when I think about what I am eating I often purge. I suppose this could be an anxious trait but also, I grew up on fresh foods from the ocean and tundra. Nothing is more satisfying than feeling full on food that you know is supplying your body with energy and nutrients.


I feel a bit over emotional today, I think trying to keep everything balanced is getting to me. I enjoyed some red wine last night but since I am feeling this way, I think I will just hold off on consuming any alcohol for a couple days. I just want everything to work out with college, finances, and work. Here is another example of how my mind works when anxious:

*I get into college and everything works out, GREAT! (there is actually a mental hospital in the works to be built that will be opening around the time I’m ready to intern)

*I get into college but cannot take out a loan in turn take fewer classes and struggle to make bills and buy food, but hopefully making the payments for school without getting in the hole. At least I am still in school and working toward a career goal.

* Cannot get into school and considering this is one of the easiest community colleges to get into I’m probably screwed when it comes to advancing my schooling thus having two options:

  1. I stay at my job making a tad bit higher than livable wage where I at least have decent benefits but am not fully happy and the current happiness at the job will diminish but I can survive (again that whole surviving is only existing)
  2. I move to Maine where there are job opportunities available that I qualify for but in turn I possibly lose any chance of taking in my daughter if something happens to her parents because they don’t want her away from her family. So, I stay where I am unhappy in the future and with no chance of advancement because the company only advances employees with degrees, or this can lead to two more options:
  3. I move to Maine and drop everything if something happened to my daughters’ parents and come back to raise my daughter, because honestly, I would have a stronger support system here and would have no problem giving up everything if it meant a better future for my daughter
  4. I say okay and agree to her going to family she has doesn’t have that unique bond with and hope for the emotional best and her psychological well-being isn’t too effected long term.
  5. But all these situations depend on the world staying on its current stability because all it takes is a solar flare to disrupt everything and in turn causing half the people to no longer exist and thus causing the remainder to fight for survival or die off from famine, which than I really need to be near my daughter.

And that’s when I need to shut my mind off and breathe, but it’s a prime example of what continuously goes on in my head.


Well, I hope I provided some insight into who I am without sounding too crazy. I would say I am crazy but there is that whole “crazy people don’t know they are crazy.” I am going to go to Target with my daughter and her parents to try to keep my mind off everything but current happy situations. I think we may try to get some friends to come over to play board games or something, if not we can usually keep ourselves entertained. I ate healthy yesterday and only purged once, but it was a little amount and when I thought about why I was doing it other than habit I stopped. I had bacon, scrambled eggs with a small amount of cheese for breakfast today. I had coffee; I love coffee too much probably. So, it is Saturday, I will try to keep my moods and mind stable and do my best to be good to myself today. I know I always say that, and I do try, it often is brought down if I consume bad food because once I have that taste of sugar my mind wants to use it to solve all its problems. I will try my best not to do that today. Well, Good Day to all!

Published by Unbreakable Kitten

Headed East towards the horizon

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