Anxiety is weird. I can be in a place where I should be having fun but instead, I am watching everyone around me for any sign of possible danger while my mind is worrying about global warming and the heightened numbers of viral outbreaks. True anxiety cannot be written in a meme. I want to enjoy myself just as much as anyone does, but my mind never shuts off.
The concert was nice. I think I have been fighting a tummy bug, so I had a lot of tummy cramps during it. Lzzy Hale can’t really dance but she has a great voice to make up for it, she also likes to stand like a flamingo. Joan Jett was amazing, I like her “I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks” persona. She is very comfortable on stage and it really showed in her performance. I would go see both of them again. I forgot who the opener was, some 16-year-old who lost on the voice. She did have a nice voice, but it wasn’t anything overly special for her age when I think back to classmates of my choir days. Her drummer was really good however, I can see him going places.
I feel disgusting today. When I worked at the post office I was in really good shape and after being gone a half a year I feel like I’ve gotten the body I always hated back. I know I can’t feel sorry for myself; I am the one who didn’t keep up with working out and let the arthritis and spurring cripple me. I know I should be eating healthy, like the fresh veggies and meats that always make me feel good, but I still have emotional eating habits. I was thinking about this last night and decided that for a day, or maybe a few, I should write (type) what I am feeling when I want to b/p. An example is right now, normally I would be snacking while looking at my emails and spreadsheets (often times there’s donuts, muffins, cookies, or pizza (this company loves to give food out)). That snacking, I know, is habit, because I am normally not hungry since I eat breakfast at home often. So, we will see how this works, maybe I will find something going on inside my head I did not realize before.
Well, today is another Friday and I am just hoping I hear from the college today, so I am not having to go through a whole weekend again of waiting. It’s very hard to keep all my emotions in check. I just want to know if I can get excited or not because if I can, then I can breathe because I do not have to worry about a letdown. If I cannot be excited that I at least did not let myself get too worked up and the mania won’t be too rough. Either way, I am trying to continuously balance all my emotions and thoughts and it is becoming exhausting. Well, enjoy your weekend everyone, I will try to with mine.