Unbreakable Kitten

I have been contemplating going back to college to finish up my associate degree. I am a few classes away from obtaining it, so I am weighing the pros and cons. I was going for Biology and Microbiology but flunked/dropped out because I was with an abusive ex (yes, stupid, and it was honestly toxic on both ends). With the work I am in right now a degree in the biology field would move me up to another department with higher pay. I have to weigh the options on if I want to take on more debt. I can hopefully receive grants or a loan. I need to raise my GPA to qualify for any scholarships since I was stupid and didn’t withdraw from classes when I dropped out. Oh, what a difference five years makes in realizing how stupid one has been. I have also been thinking about maybe English since I do enjoy writing and reading. However, I am very picky on what I read and if I can’t get into a book than I am literally rereading the same paragraph repeatedly and never comprehending what I am looking at. My daughter’s mom did assure me that this could easily change with practice. I do have a lot of stories in my head that I am positive I could be somewhat successful with in writing, I just do not have the skills other than basics. The con of an English degree is there is no need to retake my science classes and those stay on my record as failing. I will not start until the spring semester if I do so there is time, but I feel it’s a necessary step to feeling more of what I am worth.

I have been binging and purging too much lately. I am wondering if I am trying to replace the drinking with the eating disorder. Yesterday started out well but then we went to McDonalds after the zoo, come to find out McDonalds discontinued their salads for the time being so of course I ordered something deep fried. That, of course, ruined all of my healthy choices I was trying to make. I also started feeling anxiety because there was a fighter jet show going on in town and they freak me out. Nothing good for my health happened the remainder of the day in terms of my b/p. I woke up today feeling the repercussions of it all. Today is a new day and the start of a new week so all I can do is hope for the best. I will be seeing a movie with my daughters’ mom today and then go out to dinner/lunch with her afterwards. I chose a restaurant that I know has fresh roasted meat and salad. Yesterday threw me off and was a fluke. I started off today with a breakfast I am happy with. I feel very bloated and puffy today. The best I can do is drink a lot of water at this point, two steps forward, one step back…maybe three.
Well, good day to you all and be better to yourself than I am to myself right now.