When you are down on your luck it is natural to go through every mistake in your life and or the recent decisions that got you to that point; natural, but also not healthy. Life is a gamble, win some lose some, but what your playing for determines the outcome. If you play for money you will always lose. If your playing for the journey you can only win. I want my last thoughts of this life to be the laughter and smiles of my friends and family.

Theres a feeling you get when you wake up and the world is going to shit, I just don’t know what it is. Kobe Bryant and his daughter are dead, whom I didn’t really follow but millions of people did and saw him as an inspiration, our world needs more positive influences. Our president is on trial for betraying our country with new bombshell evidence that could turn the tables. The China Virus is spreading like wildfire, although the death toll is still fairly low compared to the flu, just what intrigues me is there is no cure, no knowledge of how it spreads or where it came from, and now reports are saying you can easily not show symptoms for up to two weeks, which makes the CDC two weeks behind on containment. There are other things as well, its just a good morning to wake up to. And yet here I sit watching vehicles on the interstate go on with their daily business.

“It was the best of times and the worst of times,” but people still went on with their day.

I am doing a little better, still stressing a little but have a bit more hope. My daughters dad is good at balancing numbers and accounting stuff so he is working with me to get caught up on bills. Never be afraid to ask for help if you have the option. I kind of had to let down a little of my pride to ask. Like sure we are friends and family but I don’t know, its still weird to ask a guy for help. I have been so used to taking care of myself and never trusting any guy for help that I dug myself into a hole. Well, he has made a plan and will help me get out. He says it will suck but I can do it.

I am still waiting to hear back from jobs, I am hopeful though this week. I bought a citrine crystal and asked for the universe to help me.

(I know to some people this is weird but a good chunk of the planet believes in good or allah with no evidence to support such beings, so I do not feel too silly. At least energy can be proven, which is my beliefs.)

I also bought a black tourmaline, the moment I picked it up I felt a lot of negative energy leave me. I have been mediating with that and my clear quartz daily. I have been able to sleep more because I am not as stressed. I bought some lavender essential oil spray yesterday and I noticed that help calm me too. I still use the prairie sage flower in my pendant. I think between all of these I am keeping a handle pretty well.

Eating

has been crappy lol. But food is good. So no real guilt. I think I am still bloated a little from the popcorn when I saw The Turning Friday. DON’T SEE IT! IT IS THE STUPIDEST MOVIE EVER! The fry bread tacos didn’t help either…nor the Culver’s….but Culver’s seriously has the best chicken strips ever.

Drinking

Non existent, 4.5 months sober and happy without it. Iolite really does help with the cravings. Also the whole knowing what a piece of shit I was when I did and whom all I have hurt. Work in progress. I think the guilt is worst than any hangover.

Bulimia

Non existent, which I can’t afford it anyways. Can’t afford the bulimia or the drinking and the cycle it brings. Of course I had to choose one of the more expensive addictions lol, for real though, spending hundreds of dollars a day on food and booze, oh well, at least I am still pretty and have my teeth unlike the methheads in my family lol.

Any Other Unhealthy Coping Mechanism

None

What I Have Been Doing

• Laughing with friends and family
• Playing with Bailey
• Reading- currently Do Androids dream of Electric Sheep, Wicca, crystals, and herbs off an on.
• Writing- to you wonderful readers
• Drawing- still on that picture from a few months back
• Cuddling the cats and Bailey
• Watching the sky
• Dreaming- Goals
• Meditating
• Burning incense
• Playing Kingdom Hearts
• Not getting my butt in the gym…..ok so thats not good but I WILLLLLL go tomorrow!
• Going to the crystal shop where I find mental clarity and emotional comfort
• Letting toxic people out of my life, including facebook, I highly recommend that for social media, if they don’t do you any good, delete them! Even if its constant political negativity, delete!
• Building new healthy, sound foundation, friendships.

These are just a few of the ways I am helping myself, but everyone needs to have items of comfort outside alcohol, unhealthy coping mechanisms, social media, technology, anything that only provides temporary stimulation with no long term benefit.

I suppose that is what I have for now, uneventful and just playing a waiting game. Patience was never my virtue but I will work on it. Keep on trucking my readers who have it rough. Look for those small doors to jump through, listen to your instincts, let down your pride when its holding you back, you will make it if you keep your goals pure and never give up. I haven’t and neither should you. Don’t be afraid to cry. Enjoy what surrounds you and don’t take your life for granted.  If you are alive you are still meant to be here. Good day my readers.

Also, be sure to check out my daily blogs of my published book, it can be found in the hyperlink “Sixty” section at the top of my page 🙂