Everything happens for a reason, everything will work out, I tell myself this, but sometimes I feel like it’s not always true. We don’t all make it, do we? There are stories of people who go batshit crazy because of stress. I heard a story about a guy who was stressing over money for years but he kept telling his wife it would work out because it always had. He ended up suffering from major insomnia, two hours of sleep was a good night. He wound up murdering his kid and stabbing himself in his sleep. I can actually fully believe he was sleep walking because I know I lose sleep over bills, and he had been suffering from insomnia for over a year straight with no break, and then he was told his family would be evicted. It is also known that a sleepwalker should never be woken up because they can become violent. It was the case of Joseph Mitchell. I suppose the other end of this also is that he lied to his wife about his childhood and background because he didn’t find himself good enough for her. The burden of lies do add up eventually.
Maybe we are not all supposed to make it in this life. We wouldn’t have homeless people or people dying of hunger and thirst if we were all meant to make it. Maybe this thought itself “making it,” is a privileged thought. We all struggle, many more than others. Too many are not given opportunities to be better. Or maybe we all have that opportunity to jump at some point but we pass it by. After all, there are people who escape North Korea. It was a lot easier to illegally immigrate into the country a few years ago than it is now, the ones who jumped first rather then waiting for the crowd made it. People who escape abduction took the small window of chance and ran. Women leave domestic violence while others stay and die. Maybe the homeless person gave up when their break was right around the corner, or maybe they did something when younger and let regret take over their life. There are people who leave war torn countries before they are such and the people left behind become refugees.Maybe it is instinct. Everyone gets bad feelings but how many people push aside that fear in their chest or head, drink it away, buy it away, gamble, eat, anything to provide temporary relief.
After this thought process I do feel like we all have that chance to jump, maybe some more than others. Some stay and feel as safe as long as possible but are a frog in water about to boil. Some get karma. Some give up too soon, I will not give up.
“Don’t be afraid of death, be afraid of an un-lived life, you don’t have to live forever, you just have to live,” Natalie Babbitt
I used to think that living required money but it doesn’t. Enjoying the sunrise and sunsets, watching a full moon graze across the sky, taking a walk, listening to your family and friends laugh, reading, writing, music, the warmth is in us. I do believe some people let evil take over after they have missed their chances and the warmth is no longer there. I do know warmth can always come back but too often a person gives up and lets themself be consumed by the dark.
Hmm…the ending point I have come up with out of all this jabber, don’t be afraid to jump, never give up, keep your thoughts pure and hopeful, keep fighting and you will make it, let the simple happy moments fill you up rather than alcohol and drugs, and listen to your instincts.