Unbreakable Kitten

Day 2
GETTING RID OF THE GARBAGE

Well I threw up dinner last night but considering that was my only purging time during the day I do not feel so terrible. I am struggling to find the middle ground of eating healthy without dieting while still wanting to lose weight. I weigh roughly 145 pounds, give or take on the day. This being up from 131 last winter. At that time however, I was killing my body working for the Post Office. I have always yoyoed between low carb and binging/purging. However later this past winter I actually kept food down for over two months. I was working out a healthy amount and building muscle. Then life happened. I do miss being able to eat pizza and drink beer with no fear. There was nothing but satisfaction while playing video games.
I suppose if I want to document my recovery process for others to use as a guide, provided I am successful, I should input my meals.

Breakfast Day 1
3 scrambled eggs in coconut oil mixed with 2 oz mixed peppers and shredded cheddar cheese (garnished with spices)

Lunch Day 1
Same thing as breakfast except with 2 eggs
I also ate a 32 oz jar of pickles throughout the day. I have read that the pickle juice is good for the gut bacteria as well as putting electrolytes back in the body (do not quote me as I have only found it through google). In theory, the bloat should be less painful.

Dinner Day 1
Soup- 2 boiled chicken legs (shredded after cooked), spiced for flavor, added frozen stir fry veggies.
Bagged Romaine Salad with Ranch dressing.

(this is what did not stay down…fully)

So, when I started this day, I figured I would be doing low carb. But I feel like I am selling myself short because I am already depriving myself of any occasional splurging and enjoyment of carbs in the future. This is a potential trigger. I went to bed with a cup of Bigelow Sweet Dreams tea rather than my normal full glass of wine. That tea knocks me out every time.

Today I am starting the day off with a probiotic (I did yesterday as well), with coffee, and a fresh boiled egg. I am fairly short on money due to wasting it on liquor and junk food (neither of which I kept down) and losing my credit card, so I am limited till Friday when I get paid. I will be getting creative; I have a lot of chicken and wild rice. My only concern is getting my veggies in, however I donated plasma yesterday and have a few dollars left after buying hygiene products so will go buy a couple frozen veggies after work.

SIDENOTES:
I will not be writing everything that is going on in my head right now in terms of what I think about myself, that being in case someone in the future is looking for guidance on recovery. All I can say is the emotions and thoughts will get worse the next week. Especially as my body is going through the changes. I cannot say they will be bad changes as long as I keep myself on a healthy diet. In the future I can definitely splurge occasionally, after all it wouldn’t be the holidays without that piece of pie or extra cookie. But for the time being I need to be good on my digestive system. I need to let it get back to running its course. At the same time, I have to be good to myself mentally and fight those voices. My first week or so, I will wear looser clothing since I will be bloating. I need to make sure to keep drinking adequate amounts of water. I will keep taking a probiotic to help build up the good bacteria in my digestive track. I will be buying Greek yogurt, it’s delicious and also great for the tummy. I will avoid working out too much the next couple weeks, keep it healthy otherwise I can definitely go overboard with trying to work off anything I eat.

This next part is what I always struggle with, finding hobbies outside of food and liquor. If someone were to ask me what I enjoy doing on my free time I would probably respond with I like reading, writing, drawing, dancing, and watching tv. The truth is I honestly mainly drink and watch tv (along with the binging). I used to enjoy the others, but I feel that is a part of me I have lost over the past decade. I suppose maybe lack of finding myself has been my downfall in the past. Those are where the healthy coping mechanisms lie.