Unbreakable Kitten

I can’t say today has improved much. I moved my appointment from yesterday to next Friday, so two weeks post removal. I was in bed a majority of the day yesterday, actually the past few days now, I think, I honestly can’t really remember. I just don’t have the energy to get up and my head always hurts. It has been a week now since I have had my IUD removed. I am trying to keep a routine of some sort, I just have no energy. I barely even have bursts of energy or highs anymore. I just feel like I exist and thats it. My mind is in a fog and I feel a pressure in my head. I think my dog hates me. If I feel any emotion its just sadness for no real reason at all. I was hoping to enjoy my vacation but it has started out fairly shitty. Not caring makes me feel like shit for not caring.

I am tired of purging already, I did again last night. The last thing I need to feel is a streppy like throat. That’s what it makes my throat feel like, I don’t know if thats how everyone who purges feels. I am sure that is causing some imbalance as well. There’s no reason to it, its not comforting at the slightest, not even the familiarity. In fact I don’t feel anything. I can’t even thought process. I think that’s the worst part actually. I have always been able to break down my thoughts and emotions to where they make sense psychologically and I can’t. I have taken two hours to even write this small amount and it makes no sense at all. I can’t have a straight thought process. I want this so bad to be over, I want to feel something.

I think maybe I should take Bailey to PetCo today, let him buy a toy. I feel bad I can’t be a better owner to him. At least I feel some emotion I guess, it’ll go away I am sure.

I am taking care of my friends kitties next week. I am excited for that, I really like them. I like my own cats too, just their 20+ pound cat always makes me feel better.

I was turned down for another job application, twice actually for one application lol, well okay then.

I shouldn’t feel the way that I do. I know I have worked so hard for so much and have come so far. I just can’t get out of this state. I hate it. All I have been doing is sleeping. I was asleep by 930 last night and woke up at around 10 today. I have drank a full pot of coffee almost, finishing up my last cup, and I am still exhausted. Please just some relief soon.

I am going to go shower, do the normal routine. I have a chicken breast thawing so I can wrap it in bacon and steam some vegetables for a nice low carb healthy late lunch. I’ll drink as much water as I can today. Have a good day everyone. I will be surviving.

Update: My hair is starting to break off when I comb it, this has never happened before, and I have been taking biotin everyday the past couple weeks, even upped it. Also my skin feels so itchy. Idk if these are withdrawal signs from hormones, just seemed relevant.