Unbreakable Kitten

I wish I could say that the reasoning behind not blogging lately has been because everything is fine and dandy but that would not be honest. I am trying though, lets get to it I suppose.

I am having my IUD removed today. It has been almost four months and the symptoms are not getting any better, in fact I feel as if they are getting worst. I am still constantly bleeding. I always have cramping or pressure of some sort and ironically when I am not bleeding is when I have the worst cramping. These cramps feel like labor pains, no joke. My epidural did not work when I had my daughter so I felt those pains perfectly and this is what my cramps are like. They literally feel like contractions and there are ones that bring me down to my knees occasionally or I will be fine and than get a sharp stabbing pain. My weight gain has been extreme with so much bloating yet my eating habits are fairly normal and mainly low carb like usual. I have been dealing with bowel issues, being mega constipated and than on the other side of the spectrum to where I feel like I have no control. I admit the breast size increase has been flattering but it does no good when they are always tender and in pain. My back pain has been a lot worst, its all over my lower pelvis region, it used to just be the sciatic nerve but now its just constant stabs all over. And than there’s the moods, there is not a single good thing to say about them. I cry almost every day over something, I am always angry or hyper as shit. I feel bipolar or schizophrenic when there is really no reason why I could be either, sure there is the borderline but that has greatly improved and should have really decreased with the lack of alcohol. I feel like I’m in a fog of negativity, I can’t stand anything. I am tired of waiting for these symptoms to pass, after all they say some women it takes 3-6 months for the body to get used to it but I don’t think I want to wait. There’s too many stories of women who waited and regretted it. Even if all my symptoms can’t be attributed to the IUD, I feel a majority can, and once I get rid of it I can deal with what is left over if any.

So I am having it removed in the next couple hours, there is an IUD Crash that I have been reading about. I am trying to prepare for it if it happens, I am hoping it doesn’t too terribly though. It is not like I have had it for years and am withdrawing, its been a few months is all. I am hoping for the best.

The drinking is still non existent, even through all this shit. I am not saying I wouldn’t have loved a drink but I have stuck to my sobriety. I am hoping the urges decrease when my hormones balance out.

The bulimia has come back a couple times. I don’t know if its actually considered a relapse when its been an occasional vomit here and there. I think this will also go back to being away fully again once my hormones and body changes balance out. It is really shitty to be eating right and my body be out of control.

Well, that was yesterday. I am actually feeling a lot better today. The moment the doctor pulled it out I felt a huge sigh of relief. I have random bits of crying and than major energy so my moods are bipolar. It is to be expected. For the first time in four months I do not feel cramps at all, its nice. I have no weird headache pressure feeling. I think my mega bloating is starting to subside a little. All in all, first day without my IUD and I feel so much better, I woke up feeling really good too.

AAAAAaaaaaand, that was yesterday. I think my body has pretty much shut down at this point. I had bad cramps yesterday and a weird fatigue that brought me down for a bit and today I am dealing with this weird exhaustion while going through a tampon every hour, well, I guess now it has been a couple hours finally, but I was a little concerned for a bit. I am still waiting to be a bloody monster so am hesitant to go to bed early, so I am just on couch rest.

I did not realize how many issues such a small IUD could have. I mean, I read stories but I sure didn’t dig into the negative side too much because I really thought I would be fine, I didn’t even get the copper one because that one was supposed to be the one that had the issues. Anyways, I am just waiting to get back to normal I guess. I didn’t have any hair fall out in the shower this morning so that was nice, I took like five showers today though since for awhile I was soaking through everything so fast. I really hope I have no long term damage, I think chances are slim since I only had it in like four months, so we will see. I have lost about five pounds also the past couple days, I am not as bloated so I attribute it to water weight and blood loss lol. Honestly though, removal is the best choice I made, I am happy to go through these issues knowing it is no longer inside me.

Onto other news, we are in the middle of a pretty good blizzard right now. It looks like there is a vortex right in the middle of the Midwest and the blizzard is just circling above us. Its nice because I got hazardous weather pay today. I am very excited for this because it is already a short week with the new year.

I am still looking for a second job but actually have switched to looking for a full time job and than make the bank part time. It just doesn’t offer what I am looking for these days and honestly banks are fairly boring.

I was planning on blogging more tonight but I have once again gotten hit with a wave of fatigue. I have been doing a lot of self finding even though I haven’t been blogging. I really need to blog more, I know it always helps with that soul searching, I hope that once my hormones are back to normal I will feel so good. If not than I guess I will just see where I am at and go from there.

Sorry for this being literally ALL OVER the place. Hormones are a bitch honestly. Well, have a good night peeps. Be good to yourselves, I will try to blog more in the upcoming days and whatnot. Be hopeful and optimistic, goodnight.