Here comes the storm, all grey and white, I knew Alaska could never leave me. The air is heavy. Climate change, whata bitch. Anyways, we should be getting 12-17 inches of snow, yay! It’s okay, sometimes I feel like I relate to the skies more than anything. Years of raping and beating the planet and its breaking down. Actually no, I don’t see it as breaking down but evolving. It is true the climate change does not mean the end of the world, but it could mean the end of a big chunk of humanity and the end of simple innocent creatures. A harsher reality so to say. Hmm…a harsher me? I always heard that cockroaches could survive WWIII. Who would have thought WWIII wouldn’t be the end of humanity as we know it? Well, maybe we will get lucky.
I spent the day fighting with my daughters mom. It’s been more and more lately, I suppose its both our faults, maybe its not even a fault. She acts on logic and I act on emotions. It’s exhausting. I am getting tired of pretending to smile and laugh. Oh yeah, I got let go front the grocery store, I was trying to be nice and let them know that they may need a backup for me because I will be interviewing for a higher paying position. Oh well, I think Bailey will enjoy me being home more, that is, till I potentially start a new position. Ugh, now I really hope I get it. I am debating on getting my nails done to look more professional.
The bulimia and alcoholism are at bay, which is interesting considering my day was pretty draining. Hmm, lets see, its been 2.5 months now since I last drank and 2 months maybe since I last purged? I can’t remember if I talked about the small relapse. I can’t be too hard on myself, I stopped it, I stopped them both. No purging, no cutting, no drinking, just video games, reading, walking, drawing, singing, writing, and crying. Ugh the crying is what gets me though, gives me such a headache and ugly eyes. It’ll get better, I’ll get better. I am trying, gotta take a step back to get a running leap forward right?
Run motherfucker run, don’t look back, just dream big and run.
I need to learn to relax.
Well, I said I wanted to start blogging again regularly for self therapy. I am not sure what all therapy this will do, but hey, life cant be unicorns and butterflies all the time right? And I seem to get more readers when I am down lol. Maybe I am just more relatable. A good life is fairly boring to listen to right? Shit, a good life seems so boring, maybe thats why I can never seem to stay there. Well, have a good night everyone. Be good to yourselves, keep running, do better than me.
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