I think I let myself feel too much of a high with the excitement of my book being published, I have been feeling pretty down the past couple days. I really need to watch that. Excitement is fun but I always need to keep my emotions equal otherwise the result is equally low. My avid followers already know this of me though. I feel mentally exhausted because of this. However, I do feel physically exhausted not because of the low spell but because my personal trainer decided to kick my ass today with legs. I will be feeling this tomorrow so I am going to hit the gym up and do the elliptical.
“So much sky,” I whisper to myself as I hold my hand up to the sun.
The ground beneath me has charred remains of a fire long ago. I look to my left at an abandoned old church, I believe it must have been beautiful back in its prime, now it is just an example of how time doesn’t even respect religion. We all crumble eventually. A chill run across my hand as a breeze passes on by. I sit up facing the tombstones to the right of me.
“I’m sure you were once full of life, a carefree child running through these fields, growing up to feel the pain of love and death, only to grow old and appreciate life as it was ending and dying in a bitter taste, or maybe you appreciated it all along and never took a second for granted and died surrounded by loved ones because you never stopped believing in the good. I wonder what your story was…” I whisper to the tombstone.
I love old graveyards and abandoned churches. They are where nature does its course without any intervening. The words on the stones hold the memories of the past, the earth and its inhabitants have eaten the physical sense of the being. I look over all the graveyards, many of the tombstones have decayed but I still see a fair amount. Another breeze flows by me along with a cloud overhead, my spine shivers momentarily as the shadow passes on me. It’s so quiet, only when we are dead are we truly at peace.
“How many times have I worried about my body, starving myself, binging, purging, dieting, mutilated it, only in the end to be you, just bones in the ground insects of licked clean, kind of silly I suppose,” I whisper as I hold my hand out to feel the old lettering in the stone. It’s cold, even on this warm day. The edges that were once clean cut are now weathered down and rough. Another breeze, this one kind of warm, carries the sweet scent of grass, trees, and wild flowers. I close my eyes and take the scents in. I listen to the trees ruffle with the breeze, in the distance birds sing to each other, not a care in the world, not afraid of time, they merely know their roll in nature. What is my roll? Maybe intelligence is the biggest trick the devil could play. A bang from behind me startles me and as I jump up and turn around, I see a bunny running from the church. This church has a haunting look to it, if the sky was overcast, I probably would feel a little uneasy, it is beautiful none the less. I walk towards it and as I do the steeple seems to grow ten-fold. I look up and can still see an old bell still withstanding the crumbling of time.
“How many people listened to your bell? How many people have walked through these doors, believing you held some sort of power over their souls? How many children had it thrown down their throats that only you could save them from eternal damnation? How many children went through these doors every Sunday believing if they didn’t, they would suffer from the fires of hell. Your bell rang every Sunday morning, but there was always going to be a last time you rang. If your walls could talk, would they breathe a sigh of relief they did not have to hold such a burden anymore?”I speak to the abandoned pieces of wood and scrap metal, they don’t respond. So, I keep on talking as slowly making my way through the large decayed wooden doors. They have held their shape pretty well, but the hinges look as if they could break any second.
“You are still beautiful, no one can really outdo natures beauty, even Monet tried to mimic nature, hell, even our televisions try, and no matter how ultra-k the picture, nothing will ever amount to reality. Someday television and pictures will be all that we have after nature finally gives up,” I speak louder as walking through another set of doors into a room full of pews. The air is musty and damp. Pieces of the ceiling have caved in and broken a few of the pews and the wooden floor has molded. Even in the remnants of decay this place in beautiful. I stare in awe as the sun shines through the stained glass, it creates waves of colored dust. Up ahead is a table that once held the blood and body of Christ every Sunday. A table that once held so much power has now caved in to time.
“Even nature can outdo god,” I say as I walk down the aisle, “How many of you spirits still reside here, praying, waiting for redemption and eternal salvation? Do you even know that you are dead? The afterlife is so much more than god.”
I sit on a stair that leads up to the broken table and sit and look out among the pews.
“Many people do not like your home, they don’t know why though, I do though. People do not like to think of their immortality and this place represents just that. Your graves hold the skeletons of the most beautiful and most ugly of you, but you look the same now, just rotted bones. Maybe some of your souls have moved on, but this place still holds the memories of your devotion out of fear. I find peace in my immortality, I suppose that is why I find peace here,” I preach softly to the non-existent followers. The sun slowly fades as I hear the wind pick up outside. The weather called for a storm later today, it must be rolling in. I get up and bow to the emptiness. Maybe this storm will be mother nature’s final calling to this place. I walk out the doors and soft rain sprinkles on my face as I head to my car. I don’t look back, for the past should stay in the past.
Well, the final free promo to my book is coming to an end. I suppose 40 people reached is not bad, I just hope they liked it enough to read it fully and refer it. I am not sure if Facebook users who click the links can review. I have been reading information that say Amazon won’t allow friends or family to review and coming from Facebook they may think the people I am advertising to are friends. So if you can, reviewing on Goodreads too will also help spread my book. 🙂
I will probably be heading off to bed now, I have to get up early for the gym, i plan on having a good cardio workout tomorrow. Thank you for all the support, have a good evening, as before, be good to yourselves.